This post has been my difficult thus far! At the time I had read The Wordy Mom’s “10 Things that Make Me Happy” and I was next to post, I couldn’t find exactly 10 things that made me happy! I’m going through such a difficult time with my life right now, that writing about 10 Things That Made Me Happy didn’t sound too plausible or realistic. I was just not up to the task. But then I thought about it, this is the perfect time to write about things that make me happy, because in a sense, it will make me jump back into reality…I have a lot of shit that makes ME happy! Me as an individual, not me as someone’s partner, mom, daughter, or friend but just plain ol me! So here they go, in no particular order!

1. Life

Every day that I wake up, I am thankful and HAPPY! There are so many people that don’t get the chance to see another day, some saw it coming, and others it just happens. Life is something that we all take for granted at some point, but its nothing short of a blessing!

2. Music!

Music evokes so many emotions, nostalgia and feelings and has been a part of my life since I was a toddler! My grandmother gave me my first record player and my first album was Dolly Parton’s 9 to 5 and Odd Jobs album. I used to play that album EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I couldn’t understand what the album was about, but I knew the words like the back of my hand. From then on music was my go to for everything!

3. Water!

So if you believe in astrological signs, and I was to tell you I was a Scorpio, you would say “Oh yeah you definitely love water, you’re a Scorpion” and while I sometimes follow astrology and somethings I don’t agree with in studies, this is one thing I can say I agree with whole heartedly. Water makes me HAPPY! Baths, rain, the ocean. I would prefer sitting on a beach in a bathtub in a rain storm. There’s the unpredictability of water that amazes me. It can be calm or it can be violent, and something about it draws me to it. It truly makes me happy.

4. Baking!

My grandmother was an avid baker. She was the lady that everyone ordered pies, cakes, candy bars from in the neighborhood or at church. She was constantly baking and it was all from scratch! EVERY SINGLE THING. She used to bust her ass in the kitchen and I was so intrigued with it from a young age. It was fascinating to see all these ingredients she had lined up turn into these cakes or cookies. It was amazing to me! So she used to keep me in the kitchen while she baked, explaining to me what we called “Bakers Physics”. She finally tasked me with making my first cake from scratch at 9 years old and I’ve been doing it ever since. And so much that I turned it into a business 😉 The Dessert Jar Company is located in AZ. So any Arizonians, check us out! 🙂

5. Me Time

So while I don’t get this too often, I enjoy it when I do! I am a social loner. Lol. If that makes sense! As a child I preferred to be myself but loved when my cousins came over…but only for a little bit. After an hour or two, I wanted them to go home so I could be alone again. Lol. I don’t know if this is considered an only child syndrome thing but I’ll take it. I LOVE ME TIME.

6. Pedicures and Manicures

So the kid is three years old and so of course I have to schedule these things out, but they make me sooo happy! It puts me in a place of feeling like a woman and not just a mom or partner. It reminds me of the person that I was before being a mom. And while I love the woman and mom that I am today, I sometimes like to visit the old her sometimes-that woman before this fantastic mom sprouted out.

7. Cooking

I LOVE cooking. Something about a good meal and serving it to those that I love makes me happy. I love concocting new things in the kitchen and making them from the heart!

8. Hair 

May seem a little weird but when you lose your hair in such a vast amount, this is what you are happy about! I will never take hair for granted every again. After having my son, my hair fell out so much that my hair line was non existent. Postpartum hair loss is no joke. I used to try to explain to the guy, but he thought I looked fine. Literally had to show him before and after pictures so he could really see. At that time I thought that my hair would never grow back but it did and that I’m too happy about even 3 years after it has happened.

9. Books

I can’t even describe how much books make me happy! I’ve had a love relationship since I was child. I was the kid that would read a book in a day from the classroom library. The kid that had every R.L. Stine, Babysitters Club and Sweet Valley High Books. I LOVE BOOKS!!!!!!!!

10. My Son

I wanted to keep this post away from family because its a given they make me happy and really just focus on those little things but there is NO WAY I cannot mention this little boy. He brings so much happiness into my life and theres never enough words to express that. He is my strength and everything in between. My son is my heart, he is the only person that knows what my heart feels like from the inside. I love you H!

 

This exercise would be a great thing to do monthly to remind you that there is so much happiness surrounding you! What about you? What makes you happy?

Hey Mama!

I am so tired today and I know that EVERY WOMAN in you is tired and worn the fuck out too and that’s OK. Your job never stops. It is a continuous job throughout the morning, noons and nights and is a taxing job nonetheless, but you show up for work every single day. There are no sick days, no PTO and there is no vacation. Even on your worst day-you show up and show out. And while you lay your head down at night trying to sleep the day away, you are still working. You still feel as if you have the weight of the world of your shoulders and  through it all, there is always a worry that you aren’t doing your best.

Listen to me-there is sooo much perfection in your mistakes. There is sooo much love in the things that you may see as failures.

These children were given to YOU because YOU are what they need and they are what you NEED. You have the heart to do it when you are exhausted, and feel that you can’t do it for another second. You have the SOUL to love them even on your worst day. Your kisses and touch makes everything better for them. Your smile soothes them even when you feel like crying. Your happiness is their happiness. You are their place of comfort. You represent security, strength, warmth and love. 

They say that it takes a village to raise a child and to catch you when you fall but for those that may not have that village, you catch your damn self.  You represent security strength, warmth and love. 

So many of us strive to be the perfect mom and that is what you are doing WRONG.

I want you to strive to be the BEST VERSION OF YOU. Not the perfect mama.

Because YOU is what your child or children need. YOU. Just YOU.

Motherhood is some life changing shit not just for those kids, but for you. Don’t loose yourself. Be YOU, because that’s PERFECTION.

Rise up ladies, put on your fucking crowns and wear that hell out of it. You breathe it, live and OWN IT!  In chaos there is beauty and that is what you are.

 

Yes, I’m That Mom

 

This is just a rant mamas…

Today’s choice of television program was none other than….

Caillou.

For the record,

I CANNOT STAND CAILLOU. He is the spawn of Satan.

When the kid first started watching the show, I thought “This is really cute. A show that chronicles a 4 year old boy and all the challenges that toddlers face!”. After tuning in to a couple of episodes, my opinion of it was 50/50 and the verdict is still out.

Cons

• I can’t stand his bright primary color ass house and patio. It just looks like a rainbow shitted EVERYWHERE!
• I can’t stand his whiny voice. His voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard.
• I hate that his parents don’t check him when he is acting up.
• I hate that his parents enable his bad ass behavior.
• The fact that his mama never loses her shit, it. just. pisses. me. off. It is such an unrealistic portrayal of motherhood. She has a baby and a toddler, now we know that she’s on the verge of locking herself in the bathroom with wine bottles and marijuana pipes.
• The puppets are weird.

Pros

• The show does chronicle important life lessons. Some of the episodes I can appreciate!
• The diversity of Caillou’s friends. I love that he has a friend of every race. This is MY FAVORITE ASPECT of the show!

Again, this is just my rant. It’s not that serious.

Some may say-“Turn it off if you don’t like it, you’re the adult, you have the power.” To you I say you are absolutely right which brings me to my last pro….

It shuts the kid up for those 28 minutes. And damn it, I can use those 28 minutes maybe to piss in peace, read a quick magazine or do the dishes without him “wanting to help” So yeah thanks Caillou but you’re still an asshole.

Yes, I’m That Mom

 

No matter what you do, someone is going to think you’re doing it wrong.

All that to say- I want to remind you all:

You are doing a GREAT JOB!

In the short time that I’ve been in this major role as a mom, I’ve realized, that you are constantly getting judged, questioned and shamed upon.

• How we discipline them?
• How we school them?
• How we bathe them?
• What foods are we feeding them?
• Are we using the proper cleaning products?
• How much screen time/TV time you’re allowing your child to have.
• If you’re a stay at home mom-why aren’t you helping provide for your family? Or if you are a working mama-why aren’t you spending enough time with your children?

The list goes on and on…and while we try to ignore these judgements, they sometimes fester. As mom’s we are constantly questioning ourselves whether we are doing the right thing while figuring out this mom thing one day at a time. Out of all the mommy manuals out there-THERE IS NO MANUAL for this. We learn from experience and what we feel is best for our child or children.

Ask yourselves these questions:

Is your kid fed?

Is your child happy?

Do they feel loved?

If the answer is yes to those things, you’re doing a great job! Keep going! You are doing GREAT!

P.S. Your kid(s) thinks your SUPER MOM! Their opinion is the only one that matters….

 

Yes I’m That Mom

 

I never knew how much personal space meant to me…it’s something that I can say….I took for granted.

I mean, I’m three years in this and I’m still in awe at the lack of personal space I have.

I miss it. Terribly.

Just made the kid his breakfast request for this morning-French Toast and Turkey Bacon. I mean, I set him up nicely! His tray, favorite TV show on and my cell phone for his entertainment. I wanted to make sure that while he eats, I could take a couple of moments for myself to just, hell, get it together! I scrambled some eggs, blended up my green smoothie and settled myself into the couch. I even reached for the remote and decided to take in a quick netflix show. WHO. THE. FUCK. DID. I. THINK. I. WAS??

*cue the pitter patter of feet*

Him: “Mama, what are you doing? What are you eating? Are you going to watch a show?”

Me: “I’m going to eat my breakfast and watch something on TV, go in your room like a big boy and finish your breakfast so you can be big and strong like daddy”

Him: “OK!” *pitter patters back into his room”

*cue more pitter patter*

Him with tray in hand: “I’m going to sit here with you.”

Me: “WHY??????????”

Him: “Because.”

I didn’t want to engage in any more conversation b/c ya know you learn to pick your battles with these little terrorizers. So FINE! Sit in the damn living room with me. He placed his tray on the floor, and ate his food and all was well until he finished…….

AND HE DECIDES TO SIT RIGHT NEXT TO ME WITH HIS BIG ASS HEAD ON MY SHOULDER AS IM TRYING TO EAT. Even had the nerve to move my smoothie to make room for his shit on the couch in my space. You have to be shitting me.

Me: “Hey baby can you ummm scoot over a little bit so mommy can finish eating”

Him: “WHY?”

Me: “Because mommy needs to eat and I just need a little space.”

Him: “OK mama, I will move over”

Me: “Perfect-THANK YOU, you’re such a good boy”

Him: “Are you done yet?” as he sits all the way in my lap and tells me to move my bowl.

FUCK BREAKFAST EH? FUCK NETFLIX. Again-WHO. THE. FUCK. DID. I. THINK. I. WAS?

So yeah, this all happened within a 30 minute time frame, but I didn’t finish my eggs because they were cold, and I don’t like to reheat. And well, my kid doesn’t get it. And while I really wish I had personal space, and would love some moments without him climbing, jumping and sitting on me, I realize the years are going to fly by and its going to be a time where he’s going to be too busy jacking off in the bathroom to some broad with big titties in a magazine using all my damn lotion to even want to hug me. So fuck it-here we are.

Yes, I’m That Mom.

Look…..when I say the struggle is real..its fucking REAL…

So you know when you find out you’re about to have a child, and you have all these thoughts and fears because you are about to be solely responsible for breeding this person into a functional adult. One thing you really don’t think about is ….potty training. You know it has to be done, but you don’t think too much about the particulars, like the meat and potatoes of it all. I thought, “It’s not going to be that hard”, especially when the kid started showing signs he was ready to use the potty before he hit the 2 year old mark. He started walking at 9 months, potty training is going to be a breeze! YEAH FUCKING RIGHT-HA! Let me tell you!

At around 17 months, he started taking off his diaper and hiding in a corner when he pooped. I thought “wow he’s ready, this is going to be great!” We moved him to pull ups, and getting him used to the idea of no longer having diapers. (This is my opinion and just MY opinion, but PULL UPS are DIAPERS. There is nothing miraculous or different about them, they’re still some damn diapers with different cartoon characters with a different name, that burns holes in pockets..period.) Under the direction of his pediatrician, purchased a potty to just sit on our regular toilet and got to work! Bought books, played The Daniel Tigers Neighborhood Potty song, let him have his tablet in the bathroom, sat him on the toilet for numerous amounts of time and he still shitted and pissed on himself. He knew every. single. fucking. word.  of that damn song, would come to explain to us the concept of using the toilet, yelled when he pooped or pissed for us to change him, but still decided to sit in his own shit. WHAT THE HELL WERE WE DOING WRONG????? Well, it was as easy as he wasn’t quite ready. So I let him have his space, still put him on the toilet sometimes but felt that 3 we’d start this journey again.  And 3 my friends, was the magic number!

Here’s some general truths/tips mamas

1. When they’re ready, is dependent on them. Your timeline doesn’t mean shit. YOU don’t mean shit. Your EGO doesn’t mean SHIT. Yes, I’m talking to you Stepford mamas that went and bought the $650 diaper bag with the $60 bottles and $700 stroller, that want to boast you have this potty trained kid. YOU DON’T MATTER and neither does your STUCK UP MAMA FRIENDS.
2. Speaking of shit, your concept of shitting and pissing will change.
3. You will cheer, do stupid little dances, high five, look like your child’s personal clown, look like a fool and thank whomever you worship when your kid pees and poops for the first time in the potty and any time after that.
4. Shitting in the potty vs peeing in the potty are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. Trust me.
5. If you think the 3 day method is this miraculous thing, its NOT, you still have to continue to train. The 3 day method more so shows them the concept and repetitious side of things. I repeat, you still have to TRAIN. You locking your kid up for 3 days, doesn’t make them a pro. Can you learn physics in 3 days?
6.  If you decide to bribe your kid, that isn’t a bad thing. You are not a bad parent. No one will call CPS on you. It is OKAY.
7. Buy LOTS of underwear-lots.
8. Buy yourself lots of whatever vice you like to partake in…ya’ll know what I’m talking about-alcohol, marijuana-I don’ judge
9. CHILL THE FUCK OUT-eventually your kid will get it

If potty training a boy:

1. Buy lots of lysol and bleach. Like Costco/Sam’s Club amounts. He will piss on areas of the bathroom/toilet you didn’t even know existed.
2. He will play with his penis now more than ever. It’s like his own personal toy attached to his body.

What worked for us: I let him go bottomless for a week. The first day he was GOOD! He had an accident on the fourth day where shit was sitting on the rug in the living room, but hey shit happens, literally.. But all in all, the kid has been pretty good, he wears strictly underwear now, holds his pee all night, shits in the toilet only, pisses in the toilet only (sometimes the floor, the cabinet, the wall, but he’s aiming for the toilet is all that matters!) He’s officially potty trained and I’m not sitting in someones AAA meeting because I’ve abused alcohol due to stress. All is well in my world.

 

-Yes, I’m That Mom

There’s a lot of things that are horrible in the world, but at this very moment and in my here and now-Asthma is the WORST.

The kid’s party was this past Saturday, April 8th (I promise I will share the details about that in a later post) and the winds were pretty fierce that day. While he enjoyed his birthday party, he took home a gift from mother nature-a cold. I’m talking runny nose, watery eyes, he was just a complete mess. Fast forward to his actual birthday, April 10th, he wasn’t his usual self, he was pretty chill, and not running around the house, yelling and jumping, just really mellow. Now, anyone that has come in contact with my son, knows that chill isn’t something he does. He is very energetic, very vocal and extremely busy ALL THE TIME. He even runs in his sleep. YES, I mean little dude really dreams and kicks his legs like he’s running. We invited some friends and family over for a BBQ, cake and the opening of gifts and it was a good time…..until the wheezing started. So I spring into action, go into his bathroom, grab the nebulizer (breathing machine), and start taking all the compartments out only to find that there are parts missing. WHAT IN ALL FUCKS!?!!! I don’t have time for this shit. He needs a treatment ASAP. So I grab and get him to just sit down while I call every pharmacy imaginable to find this missing part. Finally I find one and send baby daddy to the pharmacy. He goes, grabs the part and comes back. Success! By this time, the kid is no longer wheezing and is his normal self. Now, I’m not a fan of medicine, and I am definitely not a fan of giving medicine when its not needed. So I decided to not give him a treatment as he was fine.

1:32 AM. He was sleeping and then all of a sudden his breathing starts to become labored. Now for those of you who aren’t familiar with this, labored breathing is when its hard to breathe or abnormal breathing is present. Instead of a normal pattern of breathing, theres a struggle that can include: chest and ribs going up and down heavily, grunting and nasal flaring. In his case, his rib cage was going up and down heavily and you could see his body working overtime to breathe. Then the wheezing started. I spring into action yet again! Grab everything I need, wake him up and start the treatment. Now usually, the treatment works within the 10 minutes it takes for all the medicine to absorb. In this instance, the shit just wasn’t working. Grab him, the keys and a blanket and I’m off. All I hear is baby daddy in the distance-“I can come with youuu”. I yell back, “no its ok. You stay here!!!”. I promise you, you couldn’t tell me that I was not a part of The Fast of Furious crew. Get to the children’s ER and they rush him back. PERFECT. Lets get this show on the road!

Now I’ve been in this situation before, I know the drill, they give him a breathing treatment, give him a steroid, monitor him and we are off back home just in time for maybe another 2-3 hours of sleep before breakfast. NOT. THIS. TIME.

They start him off with a steroid and then 1 hour breathing treatment. It’s still not opening his airways like they would like. Here comes the second 1 hour treatment. He STILL is not where he needs to be. Then I hear, “We have to get him on an IV”. My head starts turning because this has never happened before. I’m trying to stay calm so he doesn’t realize mommy is about to go bat shit! They prep him for the IV, get it in and here we go. IV fluids and a magnesium drip has started for the win. 15 minutes into the drip, the team comes in and tells me “If this doesn’t work, we have to admit him into the ICU”.

THE IC WHAT?????????? ICU??????????? NO NO NO-you have to be shitting me. 

IS IT THAT BAD?? WHAT ARE YOU GUYS HEARING IN HIS CHEST? EXPLAIN!!!!”

Turns out his lungs were still weak and the wheezing was still very present. About an hour and half into the magnesium drip, the kid falls asleep and the team comes in and listens to his lungs and they say:

“mom are you ready to go home, because he’s getting discharged”

SWEET BABY JESUS! YES!!!!! They give him a popsicle and send us home with a new inhaler. We are one day in and he has to take four puffs every four hours for the next two days, he absolutely hates it and it’s a struggle but thats OK, because he’s home! There was no extended hospital stay, no ICU, just home. Now, I can BREATHE!

When I tell you motherhood is the best worst thing ever, I really mean it. I would NEVER trade it for the world. Never trade my little boy for anything and couldn’t imagine life without him, like no really-what was I doing before him (besides having a great sex drive and no stretch marks), I really don’t know what life was before him~so these little scares with asthma fucking suck. Because I have no control over it and whats worst than not having control over the things that come to your child??! Theres nothing worse than watching your kid feel any type of pain and again, have NO CONTROL over it.

Shout out to my mamas that are nursing their babies back to health. Shout out to those mamas that are coping with a very sick child and trying to stay positive through it all. Shout out to all the mamas everywhere for well, just being mamas. You are doing GREAT!

-Yes, I’m That Mom